


An Open Letter To My Brother

by gatonip



Series: Open Letters [1]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-10-22 21:58:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10705959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gatonip/pseuds/gatonip
Summary: To my twin, whom I want to keep going.





	An Open Letter To My Brother

We had just abandoned the fifth caravan when I told you that I’m a girl.

Auntie had been dead about three years then, Uncle a decade before. Losing Mother had been too much for her to stomach as it was, but then to go and lose her partner of nearly a century not long after had really taken a toll on her. She’s still one of the kindest people I’ve ever known, to take in a set of orphaned twins that I’m sure reminded her so much of her and Mother. I don’t think either of us could have done something like that after we had been through our own share of shit (though maybe I shouldn’t speak for you; the kiddo you’ve been teaching magic to the past few months clearly has you wrapped around his finger).

I knew I was your sister a while before I told you, somewhere around when we turned 70 I think. But for the first time in our lives, I felt like I needed to keep something about myself from you. It was silly in hindsight: you reacted to the news as if I were telling you I had a new favorite color rather than a new set of pronouns. Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re an incredibly judgmental person. Both of us are! Hell, it was a few years before I stopped referring to Barry as ‘nerd wonder’ exclusively as an insult. A central pillar of our shared sense of humor is nitpicking at everything and everyone around us. The thing is, it was never a hundred percent honest, was it? Observational humor and insults were always just a game to me, like conning some unsuspecting shmucks out of their random crap, or flirting with some creep who wouldn’t leave us alone while you yanked his wallet. It was just a way to distance myself emotionally before someone could crawl their way in and do any damage. All things considered, though, I like to think I’m a pretty accepting person. Wow talk about some introspection bullshit, now I’m the nerd.

But ultimately, I didn’t know if our banter was a game to you. Your quick wit’s second only to mine (that’s what you get for being two minutes younger) and some of your commentary, though hilarious, is absolutely scathing sometimes. I get that way too, but at the time I honestly didn’t know if you meant those things sincerely or not. So when I started crying after I told you, it was from the relief of getting it off my chest, yeah. But it was also from the relief of knowing you would truly accept me for _me_ , not just because I was your twin, but because you would accept anyone in my position. I can only remember you slipping up on my pronouns once since I told you, in the very early days, and you corrected yourself so quickly and never made that mistake again. I can’t tell you how grateful I am to you for that, for everything. Having you – my brother and literal partner in crime – to support me as we clawed our way through life made the whole ordeal so much easier.

You’re starting to remember, now. All of it. Our journey through the planar systems, that century of learning and growing and finally connecting with people outside the two of us. Befriending Magnus and Merle is one of the best things to ever happen to you, I think. Seeing you drop your guard once in a while around them is so strange because we’re both much too cagey for that, but it also makes me incredibly happy. You don’t do it nearly as much nowadays; you can’t remember the hundred years of progress you’d made with the boys (though even in the year or so since you found each other again you’ve fallen into your old habits already). But you’ll remember soon, how you three grew so close over the years. You let Mags braid your hair; you bounced spell knowledge off of Merle. Anyone on the ship but me would have to literally tear you away from those two. And I loved that you were finally comfortable relying on people, even a tiny bit. We grew up without that luxury. I guess I started following your lead, to be honest. Knowing you were learning to open up a little encouraged me to do it too, and you seeing me become more open seemed to encourage you in turn. Some kind of…weird tennis match effect happened there. No complaints, of course. I came out of it with my Barry and my Lucy.

…Speaking of which, you’re probably going to be pretty angry when everything comes back, which I can totally relate. Lucy’s gonna get an ear full if I can ever muster up enough energy to burn more than just three measly letters into the wall. I guess that’d be an eye full? My point is I’m pissed off too. But please take it easy on her. We’d always joke about sweet little Lucretia in the corner with her journals, and even though she’s so much more than that, she’s still the same person from back then. Her intentions were never to hurt us, and she was right in the end about the relics. We sort of jumped the shark on that one. Her plans were wonky, and we’re all gonna be understandably upset about the repercussions of them, but don’t ignore the memories that come back that remind you how much you care about her. She’s still our friend. She’s still Lucy.

It’s been…difficult. Watching you statically (mostly) all this time, knowing you don’t remember me. When my memories came back after I died, I remember being so furious with myself for forgetting you, even though it wasn’t my fault. I don’t want you to go through that, but I know it’s inevitable. It’s a side effect of us being stuck together like glue all those years. Two centuries, dude. We’re barely at our midlife crisis stage but that’s still an incredible amount of time to know a person and still be as close as we’ve been. I think we’re really lucky for that. Not a lot of siblings can boast that accomplishment. So I know you’re going to be self-loathing about forgetting me, but just try not to let it take too much out of you.

I don’t know if I’m ever going to be anything more than a soul trapped inside an enchanted umbrella again. Probably not, the way things are going. I’m trying not to give up on the idea that you guys will come up with a way to get me out of here, once you realize I’m…actually in here…but I want you to prioritize saving the world or whatever. This is probably the last go-around for us; the light of creation’s too dim to bring me back, let along resurrect all of us. I’m pretty sure there’s not very many planar systems left for us to run to anyway, if any. Focus on saving whatever’s left of this system. Lup’s good in here.

I guess I’ve already been all mushy and honest to this point anyway, so I can say this without it being a total mood change: I miss you, a whole lot. It’s weird to have you so close, but yet be so far away at the same time. If I ever get out of this thing, we need to hole up somewhere for a decade or so and recharge our fuckin’ wonder twins powers. Just max those bars out so right until we can function normally again. Or normal for us, at least.

Chin up, motherfucker. You go out there and you wreck some Hunger shit. Show them all what we’re made of. Show them why the Taaco family is synonymous with strength and cunning and being gay as shit.

I love you.

**Author's Note:**

> For the record I do think they're going to find a way to bring Lup back, and if not then that's fine I'll just keep suffering not so quietly over here


End file.
